A big ol' mess

I’ve never had much patience with putting on makeup. I’ve never felt like I do it very well, and given the choice between spending 15 minutes putting on makeup in the morning and spending an extra 15 minutes sleeping, I’ll choose sleeping every time. It’s a good thing, too, because if I were wearing makeup today, it would be a mess.

Rob and I dropped Kaylee off at daycare for the first time this morning, and I’ve had a hard time keeping my composure ever since.

When I woke up this morning, I thought I just might get through the day without crying. I could feel myself slipping right back into the getting-ready-for-work routine, and I was excited to see my coworkers again, even if I wasn’t so excited to return to doing the actual work. I was still ok when we arrived at the daycare, and even when we laid Kaylee down in her assigned crib.

But when it was time to leave, well, that was a different story. I could barely talk enough to say goodbye to the daycare staff, and I cried most of the way to work. And when my boss asked me how it went this morning, the tears started up again.

The daycare staff encouraged me to call and check on her during the day to make myself feel better, but I’m not sure I will. I’m pretty sure I’ll get as far as “Hi, I’m Kaylee’s mom and ...” before I become sobby and incoherent.

I’m now worried that daycare really will cause lasting psychological scars – but not for the baby.

I know this will get easier, we’ll develop a routine, and in a few weeks I’ll be perfectly fine again. But today, I just want my baby.