Teen preview

Kaylee’s generally pretty predictable: Sleep from about 10 p.m. to about 7 a.m., waking a couple of times for a meal. Hang around the house all day, playing a few games with Mommy and taking a couple of lengthy naps. Go to sleep again at about 10 p.m.

Every once in a while, though, she likes to mix things up a bit, experimenting with staying awake all day, just to see what the rest of us do when she’s usually napping.

This results in her being crabby and whiny all day long. I imagine this is what it’ll be like when she’s a teenager. Suddenly Mom can’t do anything right and she’d rather be out with her friends.

If Kaylee were able to talk, here’s how today’s conversations would have gone:

ME: Hey kiddo, do you want to play Superbaby?
KAYLEE: God, Mom, Superbaby is so two days ago.
ME: All right, how about Flying Baby?
KAYLEE: Flying Baby is just another name for Superbaby. I’m not stupid, you know.
ME: Well, are you hungry? Here’s a bottle.
KAYLEE: Hmm, I guess so. (Drinks for a minute.) No, I changed my mind. I think I’ll spit this on you instead.
ME: How about playing in your swing or your bouncy seat?
KAYLEE: All right. (Sits in the bouncy seat.) Hehe, that cow is funny. … MOM! GIVE ME BOTTLE! RIGHT NOW!
ME: Now, don’t get upset, but I think maybe it’s time for you to take a nap.
KAYLEE: (Screams hysterically for 10 minutes.)
ME: Hey, look, Dad’s home.
KAYLEE: Hi Daddy! (Promptly turns into a cheerful little angel.)

Author’s note: This was actually written yesterday, but I didn’t get around to posting it because I had to spend the rest of my evening trying to calm a fussy baby. I found it all very frustrating until this morning, when I leaned over my baby for the first time today and her whole face lit up with joy at seeing her Mommy. That solved everything, right away.